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Wednesday, December 12, 2012


Let me say it; let me speak my heart out. Finally, I have to say, what I feel. What I seek. How am I and how do I see myself. This article for sure is my life changer; It is a complete judgment of my own self. In an attempt to explain the self, I put forth this with honesty and desire to help for betterment and unfold the truths that were buried in my deep soul. It’s a challenge to bring the best out of me and uncover know-how’s of me.

 I, the most complicated I thought, that most powerful I thought. An illusion that my feelings were powerful, what I felt was never felt by anyone around me, I grew with such mindset and attitude. Soon maturity introduced me to the world that has everything, good, evil, pain, love and a lot more which were mostly indistinguishable. I grew with questions in mind, like what is that makes me special, or am I already special. Stead fast in running made me think I was going to be a good athlete. Childhood of mine, went superbly well with parental love not losing any ounce. Yet my brain, reminded me that I have some special attribute. Not ordinary anymore. That was one phase that passed.

Let me say what I’m at first. I look ordinary, but I have brains to simplify the most complicated issues of life. I seem to be ignoring type, but I have immense desire to befriend everyone around. I look clumsy and weird at talk, it is only my inner most desire to befriend people always fail me with words and turn to a weirdo sometimes, not that I’m really clumsy at talk. My communication skills are pretty good. My respect for fellow humans never goes down despite their bad deeds; something limits me off from hating them any further. Feeling of hating someone gives an impression of evil myself.

I seem to misunderstand what others have shared, yet I would be giving utmost thought to it to know them better. I seek care from others. When I don’t get it, I used to get upset. I managed to change my attitude in that respect. I easily overcome the feeling of not having something which I always wanted. Things happened to me, I learned them along the way, how to overcome. It is so easy when you have a little attitude of your own. I like the way I think, for instance, I receive and listen more often than I advice or suggest, although I save only that is useful and trash the garbage.  Then I speak and transmit, to who are dejected and feeling unworthy. I hate to be negative, yet I agree with negativity of others for getting their likes. Not that I want to agree with their idea. I have a very few friends, but I never feel so, because you see that kind of people I’m friends with. Few best in the world, my world, gives me a feeling of having more than thousand friends. Always connected, do I really need more? My talent is capability of speaking, urge to communicate, ability to change thought, adjusting attitude. Most of them are subjective, rather than objective. People believe in me. Believe in me with utmost respect. I will be busy in keeping their faith up on me for most of the time. I do fail however sometimes. I regret. For things I should have done, yet I feel proud of what I have become today. Today remains my best place. I believe in people’s love. Others like me for what I’m. The way I respect them, make them share what they feel.

Academics; Interestingly a failure, but in others mind, I have always been a successful pro. Never had I felt successful though, it is opposite feeling that have of it. But career, I never gave up on it. Dad’s faith or my own fear itself, driven me to keep the scores high. I believe however, academics taught me life more than studies; I wouldn’t have cared if I had been super scholar, but I do care for it made me an ordinary scholar with superbly structured understanding towards life. Its not what I had in curriculum, it’s what I had in piggybank of life during time of academics that mattered.

This is a big deal though.  A new passion that has been emerged lately; I love writing. Immense desire to write articles I possess. Others do like my articles. I like to write what I feel inside. In the due time I improved in skill. Coming from the worst side of me, I can measure how much change I have created till day. I never found myself as ordinary, in this aspect. There is something intriguing about it.

I have love for fashion. Being trendy is what I like to appear every day. Artistic galleries, new designs attract me. Well who doesn’t like to wear a new pair of shoes? Or a new hair style; in my case, it feels like I had left a passion of not being a fashion designer in some way, but not so strongly enough. But that essence carried along the way. I always want to look trendy. No matter how old I become. I have to be trendy even if I become a grandpa someday.

Love, another important game of life as I see, so much that is has be in giving instead of receiving; Much of it I understood from the way my family, and friends treated me. They showed how it feels inside, when one is treated with love and care. And I believe there are forms of love. Often people fall in love, so as I did. But not all things go in the way you think or intended to be. Actually it is a decision of two not one. If one fails, other fails by its very nature. One must move on, when things are unachievable. But it did teach me how to be receptive to life’s good and bad. Life must sometimes be simplified and moved on to next phase, nothing is perfect after all. Being receptive is what is living as I believe in. As living with perfection!

So far so good; Things momentarily change. Once believed correct seems mysteriously wrong another time, my opinions do change because of my attitude adjustment. Like many I’m confused about many aspects of life, but do like getting the answers for many questions, but not at the expense of my immense thinking and tormenting my own brain though. Let them come, while living anyway. Delaying or postponing happiness is the most ridiculous thing I can ever see. Who knows better what happens next? Live on. There are no rules to live life after all.

Finally it is about goals and passions. There is always a little detail I needed to fill in what is that my passion is. Searching through it my heart is what I do all day long. Someday I find it, and that defines me better than any words I put in. I hope and I believe in it, strongly as ever!  Thanks a great deal! 

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